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SUBMIT YOUR IDEASolved.
The key lies in converting the output format into something else than JSON - CSV for example (this looks like an oversight on the part of Alteryx, though, and something that should be fixed!), then removing the headers and adding "\0" as delimiters. It leaves out the beginning and the end of the original JSON string output, so I added a formula that brings it back. Not sure if it's needed, though.
Here's my solution.